17

“What made you better than everyone else? Maybe I thought that I could relate to you. We’re both too unrealistic.

When I think of some one new, some one I don’t even know yet, I am encouraged. I know that I don’t have to look for love. I don’t look for it. I won’t.”

November 15, 2005. Two days later…

It’s been one …

It’s been one of those days where nothing seems worth doing.

I did read an interesting thread. It was full of pictures of different dead pregnant animals and their fetuses. My favorite, I think, were the elephants. I asked the OP how he got in to such a thing, and he said it started out as a birth fetish. Makes sense. Then he realized he also liked large animals… and necrophilia was just the cherry on top. I’m intrigued.

I should have gone for a run, or read some “literature”. But I’m too bored…

2011

1.

I know there ain’t no one person that everybody else in the world hates or wants to die, sometimes I do think it’s me.

2.

It’s just you and me tonight.

3.

I have fun.

4.

He betrays me.

5.

Well, I thought I knew.

6.

Me, I have got problems of my own.

7.

Looking for love.

8.

I get so high for your return.

9.

It’s just the way that I feel.

10.

Until that dream was done.

11.

And We Once Were (Two).

12.

Together.

Going to be moving in to a much smaller place within the next few weeks. There’s no real rush, but tonight, in a frenzy, I started going through my things, trying to sort out what not to trash. I have trouble throwing things away, though (especially cards! Oh god, the cards. Birthdays, Christmas, graduation, Easter, etc. I feel so guilty and unappreciative when I eventually decide to let them go). I’ve still got unused stamps from New Zealand. A pair of my grandmother’s (cheap) sunglasses. A friend’s notebook from our high school journalism class (why? no idea, it’s just there). I found a note from an ex, and reading it, it took me a while to figure out who it was from. The words could have come from just about any one I’ve ever been with. But then certain names were mentioned, you know, and from then it was just too easy…

Guess I’m still hung up on an idea that never fully developed itself. But isn’t that just the way I’ve always done?

“But still she was there, who was there before Sauron, and before the first stone of Barad-dûr; and she served none but herself, drinking the blood of Elves and Men, bloated and grown fat with endless brooding on her feasts, weaving webs of shadow; for all living things were her food, and her vomit darkness.”

I think I’m the she-spider Tolkien was talkin’ about.

ANYWAY

“Today, as you were breaking up with me, all I could think about were those weekday mornings when you compared the Pop-Tarts and gave me the one with more frosting.”

All I could think about is how you’d wake up early in the mornings to put quarters in my parking meter for me.

I think the smart thing to do would be to let this go. Well, or cool down about 10 degrees. I don’t even know what I’m stressing about.

MY LIFE

Oh my god, this Harry Potter thread is killing me right now.

And, my very personal favorite:

Harry Potter/A Hard Day’s Night cross over NEEDS TO HAPPEN IRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

Perhaps a real update is in order. Soon.

I need a new situation.

But where can I run to?